The way I read the socially inept comment by the dentist was this: a lot of his self-esteem is based on his thinness, which probably has little to do with statins and much to do with pride on being able to lose the weight and the resulting thinness. Same with his son-in-law.
So your comment challenged his vanity and provoked his ignorant comment.
I have a very effective anti-snoring machine: my wife's elbow.
Thanks for writing this. I hate that someone told you to use Ozempic when you are healthy and happy and caused you to doubt yourself. Sometimes I imagine taking the thinking of weight daily out of my mind and the room it would free up. It sounds glorious, but I haven't quite made it there. I grew up in a pretty fat phobic environment, with parents that dieted, and handed me a diet, albeit a balanced one, when I was 12. Last year after a particularly harrowing time in hospital, (I had a lithium toxicity, almost died but lost 30 pounds while in hospital for 31 days), my sister a GP in Toronto started on trying to convince me to get on Ozempic. It was a "game changer" she said. I felt great that I'd lost weight in hospital, but of course thanks to side effects of drugs and a love of baking and Ben & Jerry's, I have a ways to go, BMI-wise. I am happy that my doctors here emphatically said no to Ozempic. My own GP simply opened her computer and scrolled through the side effects. Then I watched Sharon Osborne go on tour talking the lasting horrors of Ozempic. Keep on baking and being happy and doing good things. We need that more than Ozempic.
Thank you, Liz! (Actually, it was ME who wondered if I should go on Ozempic and my doctor set me straight, and I'm grateful she did. I don't want to take meds if I'm not sick, and I suspect I'd be susceptible to the horrible stomach side effects...
Looks are *everything* in American culture. One reason I love watching shows/movies from elsewhere is that they star people who look like real people! But here, you can be unhealthy by definition if you're overweight, or much more socially acceptable if you're thinner, no matter how you got there.
As you know, Debbie, I've struggled with my weight my whole life, too. But 3 years ago, I lost close to 50 pounds from unrelenting stress and side effects from some meds (it was a bad time, let's just say). The questions and comments flooded in, and I found out who my non-fatphobic friends were. It was the difference between "Oh, you look great! How did you do it?" and "How are you doing these days?" But I'm no more or less healthy than I was in the Before Times. I just look a little different now.
Thanks for writing about this. Clearly, I Have Thoughts about it, too. :-)
I really like this. It reminded me of Jim Fixx the running guru. I read the Wikipedia segment to see how well my memory worked. The fitness running guru had a heart attack running. The autopsy report was interesting.
Our society is pretty messed up when it comes to how we look. I recently had a chat with my 98 year old mom, who, with age is getting tinier and tinier. Up until she moved into long term care she weighed herself everyday. She said that she always “watched her weight” and I told her that she never really ate…
Your GP is right, you are healthy and active and that’s what counts. Besides, a hug from you is not about your belly against mine, it’s about the love and care. Come to my place and we can bake and eat.
Brilliant op-ed for MSNBC. And I love the photo of you dancing at the end! Having grown up with Oprah and Phil who pioneered talk shows where regular people could tell their stories and stop social stigmas and shame around so many issues, I recognize how much has changed but the changes have not changed fundamental cultural values which are detrimental to the health of women.
Sad but true. We care about the strangest things. Why does it matter? (I don't read scifi or dystopian novels but I’d be curious to read one about a society in which everyone was blind. How would people function? How would people be stratified? Who would be celebrated and who would be cast aside?)
🙏🏻🙏🏻This is wonderful! Excited to look up your MSNBC piece. I have been fat or small fat for my whole conscious life, and Oprah was a big inspiration and role model to me when I was young (representation matters!), so I have been having a lot of feels around her ozempic specials. Oh and hilariously… I had those same glasses when I was 5!!
My father-in-law said our family should have been the poster family for contact lenses...
I'm so glad the essay resonated with you—I am a big Gilmore Girls fan and I've admired your work for a long time. I'll be curious to hear what you think of the MSNBC piece.
Loved the piece! It's just a complex issue. I feel like everyone has to do what's right for them, but the whole issue just breaks my heart. And thanks for saying that about my TV work. It's always so nice to hear, especially b/c TV is so insanely collaborative. I was so lucky to get that Gilmore job!!
I envy your health numbers! But I think the key is -- and you hit on it -- not fat acceptance per se; not when it is leading to unhealthy numbers, which is often the case. That's my one concern with the fat acceptance movement -- too often they ignore the health consequences. But for the lucky ones like you who can have your health and eat cookies too, go for it!
Once again, you have written a beautiful essay. I will go on the MSNBC site to look for that one as well. Thank you for sharing your life with us, Debby. We are all the richer for it.
I have also struggled with my weight from my teens onward. When I was very young I was underweight and kept getting fed extra things to help me get fatter. I find that ironic.
My sisters seem a bit fixated on thinness. For one it came very easily, for the other, she had her own struggles. My mom struggled with her weight her whole life, and my father was extremely thin his whole life. I am healthy, but accepting the shape of my body is not something I have done yet.
I can’t believe the arrogance of that person to say anything to you. I also find it very hard to come up with a snappy come back when people say rude things like that. I think I might’ve hit that guy and told him where to put it.
I wish our society did not value thinness and youth, the way it does. I think it’s missing out on so many good things that have nothing to do with thinness and youth.
Thank you, Nancy. My fantasy about the dentist is that someone shows him the article and he realizes what a bonehead he was (I know he didn't do it to be cruel—he did it because he wasn't thinking about what he was saying) and apologizes, and we can have a discussion, and maybe i can open his eyes a bit. I don't think it will happen, but one never knows.
Such a healthy message in this essay, Debby.
The way I read the socially inept comment by the dentist was this: a lot of his self-esteem is based on his thinness, which probably has little to do with statins and much to do with pride on being able to lose the weight and the resulting thinness. Same with his son-in-law.
So your comment challenged his vanity and provoked his ignorant comment.
I have a very effective anti-snoring machine: my wife's elbow.
Thanks David—for the insight and for making me laugh at the image of your wife's elbow in a trade show next to a C-Pap machine.
Thanks for writing this. I hate that someone told you to use Ozempic when you are healthy and happy and caused you to doubt yourself. Sometimes I imagine taking the thinking of weight daily out of my mind and the room it would free up. It sounds glorious, but I haven't quite made it there. I grew up in a pretty fat phobic environment, with parents that dieted, and handed me a diet, albeit a balanced one, when I was 12. Last year after a particularly harrowing time in hospital, (I had a lithium toxicity, almost died but lost 30 pounds while in hospital for 31 days), my sister a GP in Toronto started on trying to convince me to get on Ozempic. It was a "game changer" she said. I felt great that I'd lost weight in hospital, but of course thanks to side effects of drugs and a love of baking and Ben & Jerry's, I have a ways to go, BMI-wise. I am happy that my doctors here emphatically said no to Ozempic. My own GP simply opened her computer and scrolled through the side effects. Then I watched Sharon Osborne go on tour talking the lasting horrors of Ozempic. Keep on baking and being happy and doing good things. We need that more than Ozempic.
Thank you, Liz! (Actually, it was ME who wondered if I should go on Ozempic and my doctor set me straight, and I'm grateful she did. I don't want to take meds if I'm not sick, and I suspect I'd be susceptible to the horrible stomach side effects...
Oh right! I did realize that -- I think my ire was targeted towards
the dentist.
Looks are *everything* in American culture. One reason I love watching shows/movies from elsewhere is that they star people who look like real people! But here, you can be unhealthy by definition if you're overweight, or much more socially acceptable if you're thinner, no matter how you got there.
As you know, Debbie, I've struggled with my weight my whole life, too. But 3 years ago, I lost close to 50 pounds from unrelenting stress and side effects from some meds (it was a bad time, let's just say). The questions and comments flooded in, and I found out who my non-fatphobic friends were. It was the difference between "Oh, you look great! How did you do it?" and "How are you doing these days?" But I'm no more or less healthy than I was in the Before Times. I just look a little different now.
Thanks for writing about this. Clearly, I Have Thoughts about it, too. :-)
Wow -- that's a very interesting experience. (Now I want you to write about it!)
XO
Powerful. You are a truth teller, a healthy human, a great baker and a loyal friend. That photo of you with your friend undid me.
Oh, thank you, Rona. I am so grateful for your friendship and mentorship.
Brava! I’m off to find your op ed.
Thanks, Eileen!
I really like this. It reminded me of Jim Fixx the running guru. I read the Wikipedia segment to see how well my memory worked. The fitness running guru had a heart attack running. The autopsy report was interesting.
Thanks, Ellie. I had the same thought, that there were parallels between my friend and Jim Fixx.
Our society is pretty messed up when it comes to how we look. I recently had a chat with my 98 year old mom, who, with age is getting tinier and tinier. Up until she moved into long term care she weighed herself everyday. She said that she always “watched her weight” and I told her that she never really ate…
Your GP is right, you are healthy and active and that’s what counts. Besides, a hug from you is not about your belly against mine, it’s about the love and care. Come to my place and we can bake and eat.
I would love to do that, and bring Belle, and the dogs can play in the back yard. Maybe we will make some fun challahs...
Brilliant op-ed for MSNBC. And I love the photo of you dancing at the end! Having grown up with Oprah and Phil who pioneered talk shows where regular people could tell their stories and stop social stigmas and shame around so many issues, I recognize how much has changed but the changes have not changed fundamental cultural values which are detrimental to the health of women.
Thank you, Jill.
What a fine piece of writing and so relatable. Your essays are terrific.
Thank you!! (I feel the same about all of your kids' books.)
Thanks for writing this, unfortunately our culture is obsessed with weight and how thin or fat you are.
Sad but true. We care about the strangest things. Why does it matter? (I don't read scifi or dystopian novels but I’d be curious to read one about a society in which everyone was blind. How would people function? How would people be stratified? Who would be celebrated and who would be cast aside?)
🙏🏻🙏🏻This is wonderful! Excited to look up your MSNBC piece. I have been fat or small fat for my whole conscious life, and Oprah was a big inspiration and role model to me when I was young (representation matters!), so I have been having a lot of feels around her ozempic specials. Oh and hilariously… I had those same glasses when I was 5!!
My father-in-law said our family should have been the poster family for contact lenses...
I'm so glad the essay resonated with you—I am a big Gilmore Girls fan and I've admired your work for a long time. I'll be curious to hear what you think of the MSNBC piece.
And thanks for subscribing!
Loved the piece! It's just a complex issue. I feel like everyone has to do what's right for them, but the whole issue just breaks my heart. And thanks for saying that about my TV work. It's always so nice to hear, especially b/c TV is so insanely collaborative. I was so lucky to get that Gilmore job!!
Now i'm gonna look for your novel!
🙏🏻🙏🏻
I envy your health numbers! But I think the key is -- and you hit on it -- not fat acceptance per se; not when it is leading to unhealthy numbers, which is often the case. That's my one concern with the fat acceptance movement -- too often they ignore the health consequences. But for the lucky ones like you who can have your health and eat cookies too, go for it!
Once again, you have written a beautiful essay. I will go on the MSNBC site to look for that one as well. Thank you for sharing your life with us, Debby. We are all the richer for it.
I have also struggled with my weight from my teens onward. When I was very young I was underweight and kept getting fed extra things to help me get fatter. I find that ironic.
My sisters seem a bit fixated on thinness. For one it came very easily, for the other, she had her own struggles. My mom struggled with her weight her whole life, and my father was extremely thin his whole life. I am healthy, but accepting the shape of my body is not something I have done yet.
I can’t believe the arrogance of that person to say anything to you. I also find it very hard to come up with a snappy come back when people say rude things like that. I think I might’ve hit that guy and told him where to put it.
I wish our society did not value thinness and youth, the way it does. I think it’s missing out on so many good things that have nothing to do with thinness and youth.
Thank you, Nancy. My fantasy about the dentist is that someone shows him the article and he realizes what a bonehead he was (I know he didn't do it to be cruel—he did it because he wasn't thinking about what he was saying) and apologizes, and we can have a discussion, and maybe i can open his eyes a bit. I don't think it will happen, but one never knows.
Debby, there are now cat scans the actually can look at plaque in coronary arteries. The last I looked insurance didn’t cover it.
Of course it wouldn't cover it. That would make too much sense, right?