Regrets are tricky. The line between holding yourself accountable for your behavior (which may or may not have contributed to another person's decision to end their life) and blaming yourself as though you were in control of another person's behavior is so so tricky. Perhaps even trickier for mothers.
My Regret is that when during Covid I was unable to Travel ,it was impossible ! My Mother was in St.Louis where my brother lives , she had fallen so was geting help , where she was they failed to sperate people who had Covid so of course she got it and died ! I was unable to see her hold her hand or do anything the most importent person in my life I couldn’t even say good by now I can only go on it’s not easy i try and fight the good fight we all find our selfs in never giveing up because you can’t and it’s the right thing to do ❤️
I regret not pushing harder for Calvin to get a thorough exam--his cancer might have been caught in time. I regret not going to Scotland when the two of us first had the chance--he never got to go. I regret not finishing nursing school--my life would have turned out very differently. I regret not asking my father more about my mother while he was still alive. So many regrets.
I'm currently wrestling with "What do I want to do right now, so that I don't look back on this period later and have regrets that I didn't _________ at the time?"
There's a part of me that wants to be very soothing and say, "Oh, Pat, you can't feel bad about those things." But that would make me a hypocrite because I do the same thing. However, I will say that I hope you don't beat yourself up too much. I sure am trying not to beat myself up too much about all the things I feel I did wrong, especially because eventually I did things right.
And I also wonder, are you making a list of the things you want to do right now? I recently started using a very cute little notebook for a to-do list, which might sound like a ridiculous thing to be excited about, but I've found it makes me want to keep track better of all the things I need to keep track of, if I can do it in a notebook looks appealing and inviting. (Maybe this is a sign that my life needs more excitement.)
I regret that when our daughter relapsed in her eating disorder in 2014 that I didn't do more to insist she enter a treatment center. She experienced a wonderful remission from anorexia in 2013, but faltered one year into her recovery and still to this day suffers some with eating disorder behaviors. With that come other behaviors and symptoms that have meant she is not living the full life of a healthy 27-year-old. It is hard to see her struggle. It is hard to see her compromised life and lifestyle. I want so much for her. She deserves a better life and life would be so much better with her healthy self in it. There is little I can do now that she is a full adult, and at the same time there is much I can do as her mother, by loving and encouraging her and recognizing and accepting that this will just take time. Keeping alive the hope for her full recovery is what I and my husband, her dad, continue to do for her.
That's it, Stephanie. That's what we can do — love them, encourage them, don't judge them, and let them know we have their backs. And I'm sure glad you and your husband are on the same page, because that makes the task so much less painful. (Note, I am not using the word "easier." Watching your child suffer is never easy.)
Regrets are tricky. The line between holding yourself accountable for your behavior (which may or may not have contributed to another person's decision to end their life) and blaming yourself as though you were in control of another person's behavior is so so tricky. Perhaps even trickier for mothers.
Well said, Jill.
My Regret is that when during Covid I was unable to Travel ,it was impossible ! My Mother was in St.Louis where my brother lives , she had fallen so was geting help , where she was they failed to sperate people who had Covid so of course she got it and died ! I was unable to see her hold her hand or do anything the most importent person in my life I couldn’t even say good by now I can only go on it’s not easy i try and fight the good fight we all find our selfs in never giveing up because you can’t and it’s the right thing to do ❤️
Oh, Debby. I remember that. So many people had that experience, not being able to be with their loved ones who were dying during Covid. I'm so sorry.
I regret not pushing harder for Calvin to get a thorough exam--his cancer might have been caught in time. I regret not going to Scotland when the two of us first had the chance--he never got to go. I regret not finishing nursing school--my life would have turned out very differently. I regret not asking my father more about my mother while he was still alive. So many regrets.
I'm currently wrestling with "What do I want to do right now, so that I don't look back on this period later and have regrets that I didn't _________ at the time?"
There's a part of me that wants to be very soothing and say, "Oh, Pat, you can't feel bad about those things." But that would make me a hypocrite because I do the same thing. However, I will say that I hope you don't beat yourself up too much. I sure am trying not to beat myself up too much about all the things I feel I did wrong, especially because eventually I did things right.
And I also wonder, are you making a list of the things you want to do right now? I recently started using a very cute little notebook for a to-do list, which might sound like a ridiculous thing to be excited about, but I've found it makes me want to keep track better of all the things I need to keep track of, if I can do it in a notebook looks appealing and inviting. (Maybe this is a sign that my life needs more excitement.)
I regret that when our daughter relapsed in her eating disorder in 2014 that I didn't do more to insist she enter a treatment center. She experienced a wonderful remission from anorexia in 2013, but faltered one year into her recovery and still to this day suffers some with eating disorder behaviors. With that come other behaviors and symptoms that have meant she is not living the full life of a healthy 27-year-old. It is hard to see her struggle. It is hard to see her compromised life and lifestyle. I want so much for her. She deserves a better life and life would be so much better with her healthy self in it. There is little I can do now that she is a full adult, and at the same time there is much I can do as her mother, by loving and encouraging her and recognizing and accepting that this will just take time. Keeping alive the hope for her full recovery is what I and my husband, her dad, continue to do for her.
That's it, Stephanie. That's what we can do — love them, encourage them, don't judge them, and let them know we have their backs. And I'm sure glad you and your husband are on the same page, because that makes the task so much less painful. (Note, I am not using the word "easier." Watching your child suffer is never easy.)